Saving Sexy

It’s easy to lose yourself when you become a parent. Our identity is a risk of slipping away as we discover the most successful ways to parent our children. We forget who we once were pre-parenthood, as our world no longer revolves around us and what we desire for ourselves but around our children and what they need and want. For a new mother even the wardrobe  changes, whether out of necessity as some items no longer fit our new shapes, or because of the morphing into the presentable parent who is conservatively stylish utilizing the often dwindled clothing budget as now there are mini me’s to dress. I guess that is perhaps part of the reason we can let some of our interests and hobbies go by the way side. Forgotten and replaced by piles of laundry, strategic artwork placement on the fridge as we know all too well paper placed too close to the door divide will create an artwork avalanche when we open the freezer door, and the perpetual nose and bum wiping that sees us wash our hands far too many times a day.

There is one old trick you don’t have to part with, however, even if time is tight and kids have taken over your home. So ”let’s talk about sex, baby”, just like the Salt-N-Pepa song from 1990 says. So, after much research with husband, I have come up with 5 easy ways of ”Bringing sexy back” (thanks JT) to your love life. Sex hacks for parents if you will.

1. Socks and Skirts

Being a Caesar mum of 3, I understand how pregnancy and birth changes your body. It can leave things a little out of place, scarred, and just different. Plus with a baby or toddler there isn’t as much time for personal grooming and attention to detail as there once was. But we can’t let a few small changes wreak havoc on our love lives. It’s time to claim it back and sometimes covering up a few areas can boost our confidence enough to feel like the sexy vixen we truly are.

Haven’t got time to shave your legs; wear long socks or thigh high pantyhose. A bit embarrassed about your lady parts; wear a mini skirt and sit on his face! Just make sure he can breathe under there, safe word anyone? He will love it and you don’t have to look! Now breastfeeding and pregnancy can do wonders for a woman’s bust but whilst giant bouncy boobs can be fun, a spray of milk in your man’s face might not be so sexy, so wear a hot bra. Even maternity bras come in lace nowadays. And if you are like me and at the other end of the breastfeeding journey where you are now officially a member of the Itty-bitty-titty Committee, also wear a bra! So many colours and fabrics, surprise him with a different look each time you do the deed. Even if you are sweaty and wearing spew spattered clothes, having sexy lingerie underneath will boost your confidence.

2. Make Foreplay your Forte

If your house is anything like ours it can be difficult getting a word in, and when the kids are finally asleep you might feel too tired to talk. But why not utilize your smart phone for something other than browsing your Facebook feed and taking selfies of you and your minion sipping on your mumma-chino and baby-chino. I’m saying send your other half a flirty text. A simple, “I’ve got dinner covered, you bring dessert” will suffice if you are a little unsure how he or she might take it. Or go full throttle and tell your partner how much you want them and their hard, throbbing….you get the drift. If you want to go cray-cray add a picture message to spice things up, just remember to delete it afterwards. Nothing more mortifying than showing your preschool mummy friends brag pics of your little one then stumbling across a full frontal of your derriere.

3. Booby trap your Bedroom Door

Now this was hubby’s idea so I can’t take all the credit, and it did come about quite by accident. So your babies are sound asleep and you and your partner are getting frisky between the sheets. Suddenly you hear a noise and you freeze. “Whats’ that?” you whisper hoping it isn’t your toddler creeping down the hallway towards your bedroom door. In your mind you run through the expenses of all the counselling sessions you will need to overcome your little one stumbling across you naked in the throws of wild sex, and then how many sessions they will need! Who will be more damaged emotionally from this frightful scene? Take a breath, we have this covered. You know how when everyone is asleep and you are trying to be really quiet then all of a sudden you hear a chink and lights flash as Dora sings her song? Well find one of your kids nosiest, touch activated toys and place it in front of your bedroom door so if your kid comes anywhere near your room you will hear them and at least have time to cover yourself with a sheet and pretend to be asleep. Or if your youngster is clever enough to avoid stepping onto a misplaced toy, put one behind the door so as the door creaks open the toy gets hit and voila your own personal “Holy shit, cover up, my kid is here” alarm is activated. Alternatively have sex up against the bathroom vanity with the door locked for good measure.

4. Become the Queen of the Quickie

Parents are pressed for time at the best of times, so sex can be put on the back burner and often too much. So squeeze in a quickie when an opportunity presents itself. Find a movie the kids love that will keep them glued to the television and let them watch it when baby has his nap time. Tell the kids you and hubby are going to have a shower or do some work or something boring sounding. Set up your bedroom booby trap and go at it. Or when the kids are in bed asleep at night, and you are doing the dishes and tidying up the days madness ask hubby to help out. Excuse yourself and go find a skirt and lose your undies on the way. Surprise husband with a quickie in the laundry, it reinforces his good behavior for helping with the housework and gives you both enjoyment so its a win win! After a while you won’t need to ask him to help out, he will clean no questions asked.

Mums are great at multitasking so why not combine the shower with sex? Ask hubby to join you, and make more steam than the shower head! If you aren’t as adventurous, try to avoid settling in to watch television once the kids are asleep. Instead have a quickie before you relax too much so you at least have the energy to enjoy it.

5. Daring Dates

Sex isn’t just about making babies, it wasn’t about that before you decided to become parents and it shouldn’t be between making babies or when your family is complete. Having a kid free date is a great way to reconnect with your partner, have a laugh and rediscover why you fell for your other half in the first place. But if you are hoping for the date to lead to a sexy showdown try not to organise anything that requires too much energy. As I found out, organising a high flying trapeze date was great fun and husband looked super sexy doing back flips and mastering new skills  with his arm muscles protruding as he flipped off the netting, but it wasn’t so great for post date sexy time as we were both  exhausted and sore. Although if you prefer adventurous outings with your partner, refer to point 4, a quickie is an answer in these situations followed by some tender cuddling and can happen either end of the date!

Above all it is important for you and your partner to communicate. After having babies things can feel different and some positions you once loved might no longer work, but if you can find the time to try you will find new positions and ways of fulfilling your love life that leave you tingling for more. Know your limits, sex three months after birth is entirely different to sex 6 months after birth and different to sex during pregnancy again. Tell eachother what you like, what you are comfortable with and open yourself up to surprising eachother and falling in love all over again.