Gender Bender

A common question pregnant woman often hear is “Do you know what you’re having?” However, the following comments vary as the mother reveals the gender of her unborn baby. If it’s the first baby there is usually no further probing. If it’s a subsequent baby, then the mother’s answer can ignite some rather curious comments from the onlooker.

I have never cared what sex my babies are, I was simply happy with healthy. Probably why I found it so odd when pregnant with our second daughter, the reactions some people had to the news that yes, we were having a second daughter. The most alarming was from a friend’s father who with his head shaking said, “Oh, what a shame.” I tell you I had to stop myself from walking up to him with our beautiful second daughter in my arms later that year and asking him if he still felt she was a shame! Perhaps though even more disturbing was the unsolicited sex advice from observers concerned about our girl centred family; “Next time, to get a son, ice your husband’s balls then have sex whilst balancing an apple on your head. After, skip around your bed three times and drink a litre of milk…Worked for me!”  (Yeah, okay, I’ll mention it to my husband, I’m sure he’d love to stick his balls in a bucket of ice, thanks?)

I’ve never really understood the fascination our society has with wanting couples to create a ‘gender balanced’ family. I love having two girls. They are great friends, share a room, have similar interests and are simply put; amazing. However, when pregnant with our third baby I certainly felt the pressure for it to be a boy. It was as if people felt they could change the baby’s gender by willing it to be a boy when its sex was already determined at the moment of conception, which is pretty amazing in itself.

With our third baby we chose not to find out the sex, for the most part to avoid unnecessary comments about gender. I’ll admit it was fun having people guess the gender. Every scan I only asked “Is the baby healthy?” as that’s all that mattered to us. But as C-Day approached (yes, I’m a Caesar mother), I found myself worrying about how I would feel if the baby was another girl, would I love her as much? Or what if the baby was a boy, would I know how to care for him? Then I felt guilty, because what did it really matter? We were having another baby! That’s all that mattered.

When our son was pulled from my body and held up in all his glory I was too nervous to look. My husband cried, “It’s a boy! (pause) What do we call him?”. Shock sunk in, we have a son? We already have two daughters, we have experience with growing girls, what do we do with a son, and what do we name him?

After about a week I recovered from the shock, and am absolutely in love with our beautiful boy. But from my experience I realise we would have been happy either way. Three girls would have been so wonderful, and our family mix is just as lovely. And you know what, I still get these funny comments. The most popular one thus far is “Two girls, then a boy! Well aren’t you clever!” (Yep, pretty sure it was my husband’s sperm that decided baby’s gender but I’ll take the applause). Another common response I receive is “Oh, thank goodness its a boy, you must be so relieved your family is now complete”. Let’s just clarify; a boy doesn’t complete a family, just like a daughter born to a family with only sons doesn’t complete their family. At least that’s what I tell my husband as I weaken his resistance to a fourth child.

So you can go about icing your husband’s balls, or eating only acidic foods in order to try to achieve your ‘gender balanced’ family. But a baby is a blessing, regardless of gender, and that should be the only thing that matters.