The Handover

A few weeks ago Miss 3 stopped me in my tracks. I asked her a question and she replied “Okay”. I was gob-smacked. I had heard “No” as a response to almost everything for a year. She even answered “No” to the question “Would you like some chocolate?” (I sometime like to see if she really is listening). I have heard “no” in all its forms. The short sharp, “No!”, the long yelling “Nooooooo”, the repeated “No, no, no noooo!” and the cheeky “No-wa!”

Trying not to reveal my surprise I praised my daughter for her response and we went about our day. Then something else happened. As my Miss 3 (who is nearly my Miss 4) began to be more compliant and willing to help and cooperate with us, my Miss 1 celebrated her second birthday. It was like a light switched had been flicked on, and as she woke, my now Miss 2, still as cute as can be, she announced “No!”.

“Let’s brush your teeth” “No!”

“Do you want custard or yoghurt?” “No”

“Come play outside” “No”

“Do you know any other words?” “No!”

I’m lucky enough to have a friend who has two daughters with the same age gap as ours, only slightly older, who holds much wisdom on raising girls. I vented to her expressing my disbelief that my sweet Miss 2 had now become my defiant child, yet also my disbelief that my sweet first born daughter had returned as her stubborn counterpart has apparently now left. Why can’t I just have both my sweet girls at once? I understand they are learning to be assertive through using the word “No” but do they have to assert themselves all…the…time…!

Her response was accurate to say the least, “The handover. Enjoy!”. So now our Miss 2 is in the sullen “No” phase and whilst our Miss 3 occasionally relapses and shows us she is still very much capable of screaming the house down, she is for the most part our sweet smiling girl once more. But it makes me wonder, has our Miss 3 been training our Miss 2 all this time, “Do what I do, only louder, for longer, and more!”. Are her relapses also part of this training?

Before I feel saddened that we have lost our sweet Miss 2 to the “No” phase, I remind myself of one thing; it doesn’t last. Only approximately 9 months to a year of this and we are back on track. And besides, her tantrums are a little bit funny, with her pouty lip and her lying on the floor, bum up. If I yell, cry or laugh, I get the same response, “No, no, no, no!”, so I choose to smile, its only a phase….and there’s chocolate in the cupboard.